I really enjoyed kissing you." She smirked. I saw it because I am discovering that Jenn's smirks are audible. "Whether our future includes any doing, that's some distance in the future. I will promise you another kiss before bedtime, though." Why?" DO I have to say it, Chuck? I guess you want me to just say it, huh?" Yeah. Say it. Why?" Because you're cute. Good enough? How about 'It's nice to kiss a nice guy for a change?' Or maybe it's a regression to my childhood when a kiss before bedtime was just part of being secure." I dunno how to deal with smart chicks," I said.That noisy smirk again. "'Smart' is a compliment. I dunno about 'chick', though." Just a phrase. Meant to convey my confusion." That's what I said. In my mind, though, was more turmoil. The lady was charming, disarming, alluring, attractive, desirable, her turns of phrase and her looks flipping back and forth between schoolgirl and woman of substance."Just so I'm not being classified as a piece of meat or an. I wasn’t given a closed room it was in a small shadow of a cloth wall on the outside.At the time, I had been reading the Diary of Anne Frank for school. Between that and watching reruns of Hogan's Heroes, somehow my brain set me as a prisoner in a Nazi camp. I returned to these pages so many times that my simple red journal falls open to the page when I open it. I continued the dream with the guard in the fantasy falling in love with me, sneaking me out, and raising a family with me. Then abruptly my journal entry switches to addressing God. I beg his forgiveness for my sinful thoughts.Lord, why do you torture me—I ask in the lord’s prayer ‘and deliver us not into temptation, deliver us from evil’ it says plainly. Why do I enjoy these dreams?In my little red journal I wrote a lot about sex, a lot about God, and very little about my real life. Real relationships seemed impossible.Everyone knew me as the prim and proper girl who liked learning. Even among the nerd boys, I seemed an off.
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